the real secret to immortality? not dying. you want to be immortal? ok. easy. just don’t die. that’s it. refuse to die. there you go
“but how” you may ask. easy. just don’t do it. refuse to. say no thanks
@ fetish blogs that follow me: i’ll sell pictures of my feet for $50
as many as i can get my hands on
good thing this here internet box exists. back in the 12th century or whatever i would have had to shout my bullshit from the window
me hanging out my window in the dead of night, 1127 AD: I HAVE TWELVE TOES AND SEVEN EYES
a guardsman, already aiming for my nuts with his crossbow: SHUT YON FUCKETH MOUTH
“i made a kid cry we’re going to hell”
One of the rare times Eric Andre broke character
“I don’t even like talking to people in the daytime” me too, Hannibal
the concept of wizards is so funny. you read a book and can shoot fire from your god damn hands. lmfao
I didn’t attend 7 years Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for this shit
you’re right u sure didn’t attend 7 years Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry